1. Look before you leap
Phoebe jumped up on the bed and landed half on my pillow and half on the bed. At the last second, she bailed and dragged her claws across my lovely quilted pillow sham as her butt hit the ground. Her claws ripped through the fabric and now there's a hole. Stupid cat.
2. Hello, is anybody home?
The phone rang yesterday and I answered it.
Stupid guy: "Hi, can I speak to Barry?"
Me: "Sorry, you have the wrong number"
Stupid guy: "Uh, can I leave a message?"
Me (inside voice): "WTF? What part of 'wrong number' don't you get?"
Me (outside voice): "Sorry, you still have the wrong number"
Stupid guy: "Oh yeah, bye"
3. Pushing my buttons
I was doing some laundry yesterday. I threw a load in at 12:30 and usually it takes about 60-70 mins for a complete wash cycle. When I went to look at 2pm, the washing machine was still running. Huh? Ricky was snoozing on top of the washing machine. Hmm... I think the load finished and then Ricky stepped on the start button and started the machine again. At least, my towels are extra clean now.